COMMON DECENCY

Let's Talk About The Basic Fabric ...

Hey Everybody … I hope you’re all well. I had intended to post on a number of issues. As you all know, the political scene in the country continues to be a shit-storm of confused governance and intentional provocation.

After my last post, I was on a dead run - pulling together one of our ‘Backyard Invasion’ events in Pasadena. Bad weather was predicted. We were struggling to integrate a new band member. Also to piece together all of the gear needed, given that most of it had gone up in toxic smoke.

We did manage to put on that event, and in spite of the drizzle, we had a full and joyous house.

But almost immediately afterward things went upside down. The new band-member, faced with serious issues in her own life, opted not to continue with us. This not only bummed me out, but forced me back into rebuilding mode. We have another concert scheduled for June 21, and I hate to go backward creatively.

But try as I might, nobody that I could think of who might fill in is available. In addition, the stress of this shake-up, set my main musical partner and I into disagreement about where we’re headed and what the best moves might be.

While in the background, Trump and his jolly band of ‘disruptors’ continued their campaign to dismantle the country as we know it.

Oh yeah … and then I crashed my van. Nobody was at fault. Nobody was hurt. It was a fluke collision in a parking lot. But you know … sometimes when you need a little slack from the universe it chooses instead to pile on.

So, rather than further frustrating myself with writing something new for you all while so distracted, I dipped into the vast store of things I wrote for my YouTube channel back when I was still participating in the culture wars.

Some of that writing now makes me cringe. But much of it holds up. The following is the text of a video simply called Common Decency. I posted the video on March 15, 2021. Exactly one year into the COVID-19 Pandemic. You can read it if you like. OR … you can scroll ahead and watch the video.

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We refer to Common Sense a lot on this channel, and sometimes people will say that common sense is not all that common anymore. The use of 'common' in that phrase isn't so much about ubiquity, but rather about something that is held in common between people. As in commonality.

When you're doing a project with somebody who has common sense, you just feel safer, more relaxed. You know that when you've got your hands full, that person will notice and grab a corner. Or hand you the tool you need. Assist when needed, and stay out of the way otherwise. You don't have to worry that you'll be constantly debating about how to get the job done. Your common-sense partner will see simple straight-forward solutions just like you do. Because the two of you have something in common. A shared sensibility.

If your friends and neighbors have common sense, common COURTESY will likely be in the picture. Because treating people well is just good sense. If they exhibit both of these, you've chosen them wisely. Because there's a very good chance they'll also display the third common thing necessary to a good and generous society. Common Decency.

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When I was younger and cars were less reliable there was a spontaneous ritual that happened pretty regularly. It goes like this: A car stalls at an intersection; and immediately, without anybody asking, four or five men jump out of their cars, or come off the sidewalk. Suddenly all of them are acting as a rescue team, pushing that car out of traffic and that driver out of harm's way. I joined in one of these about 6 months ago, and I felt good about it all day.

I love things like that. Little moments where we're reminded that human beings are mostly pretty good. Another custom is also 'common' where I live. If somebody in the check-out at the super-market has a full basket, and you step in behind them with just a couple of items, they will almost certainly tell you to go ahead of them.

Like pushing a stalled car, it's a pro-civilization move. It helps the task at hand - be it driving or shopping - to flow a little better. That courtesy both is a statement and a test. If you offer help - that shows YOUR goodness. When it is accepted with gratitude, that shows THEIR goodness. These small acts build community around a decency held in common.

It is crucial that we not lose sight of this.

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I share a driveway with two other dwellings. We're eighty yards from the street, so we have an unspoken agreement. If a delivery person leaves a package out at the mail-boxes, and I see it on my way in, I stop and grab it. Usually it's for Abraham and Serena. They get a lot of work-related stuff. I'll set it outside their front door, ring the bell, and go my way. Their dog Cookie, sounds the alarm, and it's a done deal.

They do the same for me. The woman in the third house does too. When I ordered that little guitar there, it came to her door while I was at work, and when I came home it was waiting on my porch. We do the same with the trash cans. I can't count the number of times that Abe has brought his own cans in, and then gone back out and brought mine in too. I return the favor. It's almost a contest at this point.

All three of these neighbors are obvious liberals. Jamie is almost a hippie. And Serena and Abe are Cal Tech grads who drive an electric car and catch rainwater off their roof and such eco-friendly things as that.

Recently, because of COVID and the shut-downs, I haven't been at my best. I'm sad and frustrated and even angry a lot of the time. There's been no live music in L.A. for a year and I'm starving. I don't get to casually interact with people, without any regard to their politics. I can't balance out my engagement in a cultural struggle, with engagement in the actual culture. The isolation has messed with my head. My perspective is off, and my moods are not predictable.

In early fall, I was raking leaves under the big oak that shades us all. Serena stopped on the way to the mailbox for some fully masked, socially distanced neighbor-talk. And I couldn't help myself. I started ripping on Gavin Newsom. I could feel the anger rising in me. I forced myself to shut up, and she continued out to get her mail. But my harsh words rang in my ears. I was ashamed of myself. Not for my politics. For my failure as a neighbor.

When she came back up the driveway, I apologized for sounding so hostile and rude. She said, no worries. But I felt like I'd betrayed something. And it wasn't until I'd brought a few packages in for them, and Abe had retrieved my trash-cans from the street on trash day, that I knew I hadn't ruined that relationship.

Some time after that, days before the election, I was talking with Jamie, the neighbor in the third house, and she actually brought up politics. She'd intuited that I was on the right, and just wanted to connect and let me know that whatever happened, we'd still be friends. And we still are. And by Christmas, my rudeness toward Serena was long forgotten and she and Abe, were at my door with cookies like every year.

Having passed through an awkward election season, none of us needs to hide our beliefs of feel defensive. And they know at least one conservative who doesn't match the caricatures they may have in their minds.

I'm surrounded by people with whom I don't see eye to eye on a lot of issues. But we share a thread of common decency. Of COURSE, I'm gonna bring a package in. Of COURSE Abe is gonna bring in my cans from the curb.

Of course I'll hold the door for you at the bank. And when I have a cartful and you only have two items. Please go ahead. I insist.

It used to be that we wouldn't discuss either politics or religion in casual company. Why? Because we didn't want to turn friendly relationships hostile. Because we already valued our neighbors without knowing their politics or religion. Friendly acquaintances are a resource. And we knew enough to maintain that resource. We'd already determined that they were decent people, and potential allies if something went wrong. Why mess that up?

Common sense told us that we shouldn't allow differing views to eat away at our community, or our family. It's worth the courtesy of not judging a friend based on how they vote.

Particularly at a time when both they and ourselves are forming opinions largely based on news that's been cherry-picked to exaggerate the threat that each side poses to the other. When neighbors stop talking, the threat goes UP, not down. Yes ... it is difficult. But it gets easier with practice.

The world changes around us, but it's still easy to spot those with common decency. Common courtesies are the giveaway. Who slows down a little to help you change lanes at rush hour? Who leaves the room when a bad cell connection forces them to shout into the phone. Who treats the waitress and bus-boy with respect? Do all these people agree with me about everything. Probably not.

If common decency is present, I feel like I can cooperate with anybody. Even if I feel like common sense has gone missing from their politics. None of the three houses at the end of my driveway flew a Trump flag or a Biden flag. Nobody's car sported a bumper sticker. The fates brought us together, and we're all making the effort to accept one another, even when politicians and media figures on both sides play into the divide for their own reasons.

A couple of weeks ago, YouTube randomly suggested something from a friend of mine named Ric Taylor. It was a video of him singing live at a little venue where I would always run into him. The song is called Jim. It's about a friend of Ric's who taught high school with the intention of turning some rough boys into decent men. Then something REALLY rough happens, that puts Jim to the test. It's a beautiful song. And a true story.

Ric is one of the finest songwriters I've ever encountered. He must know that he's almost always the top dog in the room. Still whenever he sees a young performer of modest talents struggle through a song on stage somewhere, he always whoops at the end and calls out 'There ya go!' Ric gets it. He doesn't want anybody to go unacknowledged in this cold world.

I know that he himself lives with the pain of never breaking through to a big audience. He struggles by - teaching guitar lessons and playing whatever gigs come along. And now and then he puts something up on a YouTube channel that nobody knows about. We do a lot of benefit shows in L.A., and Ric is always the first to volunteer. Somebody somewhere turned Ric into a decent man.

Thinking about this stuff, and having Ric's song pop up on my YouTube feed, gave me an idea. I'll play half of it here and leave a link below. If you're so inclined, pop over to his channel and listen to the whole thing. Subscribe if you would, and leave him a comment too. You'll brighten his week.

Thanks in advance for your common decency. When you're through with Ric's channel, feel free to tell a story in the comments below.

-Dave Morrison … March 15, 2021

Here’s the video essay:

Here’s Ric Taylor’s full rendition of the beautiful song sampled in my video essay.

Ric Taylor passed away suddenly a couple of years later. It comforts me that I was able to share his greatness with a couple of thousand new peeps. Many of whom then left appreciative comments on this video. I miss him.

Thanks as always for checking me out here on my Substack blog. As always, I look forward to your comments. -Dave