Wonderful essay. Maybe my favorite of all of yours that I have read. A couple of thoughts: Self-reflection requires courage. We have to be ready to face our fears, both about who we are and whether or not the people we care for actually love us as we are (in a world where the norm is to swing wildly between harsh judgement and indulgence without ever touching down on grace and inspiration). Being honest with ourselves and others carries the real potential of loss. When we are in a moment where we can choose to face ourselves or not, it sure helps to have en-courage-ment from people whom we respect, the reinforcement that they will value us more if we aren't trying to hide from ourselves and others. It does help to have an image of what a "grace-filled" culture would be like --one where people were rewarded for the combination of being real about their weaknesses and striving to be their best, in the full recognition that perfection isn't on offer. Your little vignettes of what Kamala Harris and Donald Trump could say about their errors were right on point. To me, grace is an attitude which recognizes all aspects of who we are as humans, including the worst in us, and still treasures and hopes for us. That critical, honest, caring and hopeful affirmation is the best foundation I know for being able to grow. . I hope one day to have a culture which recognizes that people are not machines and has built in mechanisms for helping people come back better after erring.
The popular book Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin was helpful for self reflection.
However as I read through the accounts of people's failures and poor traits I would start with "I know someone like that". Eventually I got to the point of "I guess I can be like that too".
Yep. Once I became comfortable not being the smartest person in the room life got a lot more fun. It has always been my jam to make others shine, so I don’t have to be an expert on everything.
Funny how a comment in your words take me a bit away from the true topic and make me think of something else, like this one of yours:
“Back in those years, when I was fighting with my then-wife over petty issues, she’d sometimes say this: “You just have to be right! Don’t you?” Of course, what she meant was that I was less interested in actually being right, than I was in being perceived as right. As if my credibility was riding on every disagreement.”
I have a friend who tends to be like this, especially if drinking. He’s not an alcoholic but he is a drinker “when on.” He defends black being white, on being off, etc. This matches his unwillingness to hear the other side, especially in politics. When I say, “Let’s just hear their side,” he’ll scoff and say “It doesn’t matter, they’re wrong.”
Totally agree with your point(s) to this posting. Admit when you are wrong or even just somewhat wrong, and recognize someone when they have admitted it themselves without saying, “Told ya so.” Thanks Dave, looks like I have some work to do. But first, the debate. May it help and not hurt.
Those of us who live our lives concerned about doing the right thing will agree with most of these points, but those that pursue a career in politics many times are there BECAUSE of their biases. They are there to push an agenda. And they join the machine that is pushing the same. The Liz Cheneys and Jeff Flakes (?) are rare. I wish it weren’t so
The problem with your posts is that there are so many thoughtful insights in them that my comments could easily be as long as the post. Accordingly, I’ll limit myself to a couple of points:
I watched the presidential debate on Tuesday. It was the first one I’d ever seen (so I don’t know if all of them are like that or not). It was one of the grubbiest, smallest, saddest performances I’d seen in longer than I can remember.
I read your column before the debate, and took at face value your claim that you hoped your predictions for the debate were wrong. After watching it, I have a deeper appreciation for how much you must have been REALLY hoping to be wrong.
Regardless of which candidate anybody is going to vote for, This election feels like a choice between a debilitating disease or terminal cancer. You know which option you have to choose, but you'd give anything not to be faced with the choice.
———
“The longer I live, the more important it seems, to honestly examine what’s going on around us.” This was almost a throw-away line, but there’s so much profoundness in it! I feel the same way as you – in fact it’s becoming one of the driving forces in my life. Even more important to me, is the need to SPEAK honestly: To try and avoid saying things that I already suspect may be wrong, are pointlessly harmful, or of no use to anyone.
"Regardless of which candidate anybody is going to vote for, This election feels like a choice between a debilitating disease or terminal cancer. You know which option you have to choose, but you'd give anything not to be faced with the choice." Classic!
This reply is my backdoor way of commenting on "It's Time for a Reset'. I want to make a couple of points:
I think it's both surprising and significant how often world-changing thinkers turn out to have been inspired by some long-forgotten article or paper, written by someone who was obscure and misunderstood, even in his day - someone the ordinary world just wasn't ready for. It's not for me to say if you're one of these people, but you sure sound like one to me (I hope we can dispense with the 'obscure' part though).
Also, in my experience, people who have important, meaningful thoughts inside them are just compelled (maybe even doomed) to find a way to say them. Substack might not be right the forum for you (although I hope it is), but whether it's facebook, or youtube, or substack or... you're a writer with something important to say and writers are gonna write, ya know?.
Nice! I like how you compared your musical realm with your public opinion arena. Trying to Walk the Line (lol) is no easy task. Appreciate your efforts, Dave. Now read this on YouTube, so I can listen to it rather than read it. Please.
Wonderful essay. Maybe my favorite of all of yours that I have read. A couple of thoughts: Self-reflection requires courage. We have to be ready to face our fears, both about who we are and whether or not the people we care for actually love us as we are (in a world where the norm is to swing wildly between harsh judgement and indulgence without ever touching down on grace and inspiration). Being honest with ourselves and others carries the real potential of loss. When we are in a moment where we can choose to face ourselves or not, it sure helps to have en-courage-ment from people whom we respect, the reinforcement that they will value us more if we aren't trying to hide from ourselves and others. It does help to have an image of what a "grace-filled" culture would be like --one where people were rewarded for the combination of being real about their weaknesses and striving to be their best, in the full recognition that perfection isn't on offer. Your little vignettes of what Kamala Harris and Donald Trump could say about their errors were right on point. To me, grace is an attitude which recognizes all aspects of who we are as humans, including the worst in us, and still treasures and hopes for us. That critical, honest, caring and hopeful affirmation is the best foundation I know for being able to grow. . I hope one day to have a culture which recognizes that people are not machines and has built in mechanisms for helping people come back better after erring.
The popular book Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin was helpful for self reflection.
However as I read through the accounts of people's failures and poor traits I would start with "I know someone like that". Eventually I got to the point of "I guess I can be like that too".
You're a good egg, Josh.
Yep. Once I became comfortable not being the smartest person in the room life got a lot more fun. It has always been my jam to make others shine, so I don’t have to be an expert on everything.
Once again, you make great points.
Funny how a comment in your words take me a bit away from the true topic and make me think of something else, like this one of yours:
“Back in those years, when I was fighting with my then-wife over petty issues, she’d sometimes say this: “You just have to be right! Don’t you?” Of course, what she meant was that I was less interested in actually being right, than I was in being perceived as right. As if my credibility was riding on every disagreement.”
I have a friend who tends to be like this, especially if drinking. He’s not an alcoholic but he is a drinker “when on.” He defends black being white, on being off, etc. This matches his unwillingness to hear the other side, especially in politics. When I say, “Let’s just hear their side,” he’ll scoff and say “It doesn’t matter, they’re wrong.”
Totally agree with your point(s) to this posting. Admit when you are wrong or even just somewhat wrong, and recognize someone when they have admitted it themselves without saying, “Told ya so.” Thanks Dave, looks like I have some work to do. But first, the debate. May it help and not hurt.
Those of us who live our lives concerned about doing the right thing will agree with most of these points, but those that pursue a career in politics many times are there BECAUSE of their biases. They are there to push an agenda. And they join the machine that is pushing the same. The Liz Cheneys and Jeff Flakes (?) are rare. I wish it weren’t so
True.
Great article Dave! Everyone on both sides should strive for this, personally/politically.
Thanks Brother!
Hey Dave,
The problem with your posts is that there are so many thoughtful insights in them that my comments could easily be as long as the post. Accordingly, I’ll limit myself to a couple of points:
I watched the presidential debate on Tuesday. It was the first one I’d ever seen (so I don’t know if all of them are like that or not). It was one of the grubbiest, smallest, saddest performances I’d seen in longer than I can remember.
I read your column before the debate, and took at face value your claim that you hoped your predictions for the debate were wrong. After watching it, I have a deeper appreciation for how much you must have been REALLY hoping to be wrong.
Regardless of which candidate anybody is going to vote for, This election feels like a choice between a debilitating disease or terminal cancer. You know which option you have to choose, but you'd give anything not to be faced with the choice.
———
“The longer I live, the more important it seems, to honestly examine what’s going on around us.” This was almost a throw-away line, but there’s so much profoundness in it! I feel the same way as you – in fact it’s becoming one of the driving forces in my life. Even more important to me, is the need to SPEAK honestly: To try and avoid saying things that I already suspect may be wrong, are pointlessly harmful, or of no use to anyone.
———
I look forward to the next post.
Thanks for the great comments, David.
"Regardless of which candidate anybody is going to vote for, This election feels like a choice between a debilitating disease or terminal cancer. You know which option you have to choose, but you'd give anything not to be faced with the choice." Classic!
Hey Dave,
This reply is my backdoor way of commenting on "It's Time for a Reset'. I want to make a couple of points:
I think it's both surprising and significant how often world-changing thinkers turn out to have been inspired by some long-forgotten article or paper, written by someone who was obscure and misunderstood, even in his day - someone the ordinary world just wasn't ready for. It's not for me to say if you're one of these people, but you sure sound like one to me (I hope we can dispense with the 'obscure' part though).
Also, in my experience, people who have important, meaningful thoughts inside them are just compelled (maybe even doomed) to find a way to say them. Substack might not be right the forum for you (although I hope it is), but whether it's facebook, or youtube, or substack or... you're a writer with something important to say and writers are gonna write, ya know?.
It's hard to imagine being truly objective without a serious evaluation of one's self and compromise gets complicated without reciprocal efforts.
Nice! I like how you compared your musical realm with your public opinion arena. Trying to Walk the Line (lol) is no easy task. Appreciate your efforts, Dave. Now read this on YouTube, so I can listen to it rather than read it. Please.